I had long since abandoned the will to help you or reach out and give advice
I had given it to you so often before and had it tossed aside
But here at the precipice of my own awakening to my trauma
I start to see it there in you
The hurt and anger that has twisted you, that empty box where your heart should be
You think you deserve to be abused, you think the way we were treated is right
I have told you before how I felt and a little of my shame
But I have yet to even admit out loud to anyone, what exactly happened to me
I can’t craft the words and push them past my lips
I want to reach out to you and tell you,
I want to apologize for not coming forward when we were younger
I tried to save you, but I was just too broken
I still can’t even save myself, how can I hope to help you
How can I reach across the divide and tell you you deserve better
In a way where you will truly hear it, when I don’t believe it myself
You are worthy of love, you are capable of change, you just need the right tools
If I find them, I will send them your way
For know just know I am sorry I couldn’t save you
I’m sorry I couldn’t reach you
I’m sorry the chaos of our childhood has broken us this way
Most of all I’m sorry that I will never be able to give back
What has been taken away from both of us