What does it take?

I wondered many times at what was the secret of a long happy marriage. I see couples that I would aspire to be like, and I see the ones that last and last. I see the ones that make it, and not because both parties are complacent (I’ve seen that too and I’m not a fan myself.) but because they grow together.

Love is an action as much as it is a feeling, a description of what we feel and what we do. I hear some people say that “true love doesn’t need this much work”, “we weren’t a match”, “we grew apart”… I would sit and think about how people could let that happen. I was of the mind that a great marriage takes work, not hard work all the time, but work none the less. That you got out of your relationship what you put in, and if you really loved someone you would find a way to work it out.

But what happens when one person decides they no longer want to do the work, what about when one person drops the ball and the other one gets tired of picking it up? One person should be able to do it alone for a little while, but when days and weeks turn into months and years you build up animosity, anger, resentment, and abandonment.

Now I realize that I’m not 100% to blame for what happened in our marriage, but I know I was a big part of it. I’m willing to take the steps to become a better person, a better partner, a better wife. I know he still isn’t in love with me, at least not the me he has in his mind, and I know it’s impossible to change someone’s mind… but what about a heart?

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