Just keep breathing, just stay alive, just focus on your work, just write, just think about anything other than the fact that you are going to lose everything you worked so hard for. Don’t feel the pressure of work that you’ve been ignoring for days, don’t think about the mess of untangling 14+ years of a life together, don’t think about your grandmother whom you will now need to put in a home, don’t think about the house you built together, don’t think about all the plans, don’t think…

… but then the feeling starts. It’s worse than you can imagine, and indescribable. Possibly not, but I am not strong enough to muster the strength yet to bother to write it down. Right now it all goes to making sure that I am in fact still alive.

Because I would rather not be.